On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were organizing four boxes of tree decorations, dividing them between us. Kit, now living independently, wanted to set up her own Christmas tree. However, for me, unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of past losses and grief from children no longer present during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank as we fostered 23 children. Most placements were temporary, and during that time, our two children joined our family through adoption. I was surprised to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even from makers she had never met. It amazed me to find out that many of her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I opened a box, I found a tree topper that my husband and I had received on our first Christmas together as newlyweds. Running my fingers over the crack between its wings and body, I recalled the Krazy Glue that held it together, much like our marriage that couldn’t be saved. Passing the angel to Kit, I wondered if she would want it in its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
“Do you remember how I always wanted to be the one to place the angel on top of the tree? I thought I would never be tall enough,” Kit reminisced. We shared a laugh, realizing how much she had grown. So, the angel found its new home with Kit.
In another tin, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament. An eight-year-old boy we once fostered had made it from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a Christmas party in 1999. Remembering his story filled me with a mix of lingering sorrow and frustration over not being able to maintain contact after he left our care. Kit sensed my shift in mood and took the ornament from me.
“You always placed this near the bottom of the tree so I could play with it. I love this guy. Look at the flames coming out from the back of the sleigh — just like in the movie,” Kit pointed out, connecting the ornament to our shared memories.
Our approach to making the Christmas holidays special for the foster children we cared for was a priority for my former husband, both our parents, and me. We adjusted our family Christmas dinner dates to allow the foster children to spend time with their families on Christmas and Boxing Day without feeling left out. We established a tradition of giving each child unique ornaments to keep as a memory of our time together, like the Santa and reindeer ornament crafted by our eight-year-old foster son.
Unpacking another reindeer ornament made of pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, I recalled how my son had affectionately nicknamed them “Big Balls.” This ornament, along with its matching pair, was a reminder of past divisions and shared memories during a difficult time.
Reflecting on our past experiences, I realized that Kit had learned valuable lessons from our family’s journey, evident in her thoughtful remarks about the ornaments. As we decorate the tree this year, I look forward to experiencing the holiday season through her joyful perspective, replacing any lingering sadness with her enthusiasm.
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